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States are exempt. The line is hard to describe. Particularly the many I receive from my American co-workers through e-mail. Our home and native land!!

True patriot love in all thy sons command…. Know how I knew? They each told me within 2 fucking minutes. Most people I know are just mum on religion in general.

So, I swapped in Canadian. Because, you know, when you travel or whatnot, Canadians seem quick to point out they are from Canada and not the USA; I think because they get tired of people lumping them in with Americans?

But totally true in re vegans and cross-fitters, riiiight??? Taylor May 12, , am. Addie Pray May 12, , pm. Sheesh, took you long enough.

When the truth is, I love Canada! I love your healthcare, your poutines, and your bacon. I even love your Quebecois! I disagree, it really is no different than generalizing groups of people.

Yes to Florida, West Virginia, Arkansas… and a lot of other fly-over states. I thought everyone was ivy league.

I agree with Wendy that you need to go to a therapist. And I agree that rather than not blaming him, you need to blame him for his part and what he chose to do.

Eventually you may be able to feel safe and confident with him, but he has to earn it and show you that he deserves it. Starting with giving you the space and time to deal with this betrayal and not pushing you to accept him back before you are ready.

Tbm also made the insensitive move of generalizing the population of people who go on Jerry Springer. Your comments make it seem like your standing up for some poor disrespected and mistreated group of people.

TheRascal May 12, , am. Why are you not allowing yourself to be? What he and your mother!! But when you are with him, you are in denial; you are suppressing the anger that you need to feel in order to process this betrayal.

Quit fooling yourself. You need to face that fact. I know you just want to forget. That you want to believe him when he said it was only once.

It would be so much easier, and you WANT to love him. Or robbing a bank. I worry for you that your self-respect is so low that you will literally accept someone who proved to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has NO respect for you, your family, your relationship with your family, or your health.

The vagina YOU came out of. Please let that fully sink in. How old is he? Is he an alcoholic? Like really honestly ask yourself if you trust the safety of your children with a man that says he drinks to excess for no goddamn reason and then makes choices he did not fall into her and accidentally have sex, please stop thinking this that would devastate everyone he cares about the most?

Aim so, so, so , so much higher. A marriage must have love, respect, and trust. Yours is now lacking a lot of those things. You owe it to your children to be with a good, trustworthy man.

It will get better. Actually, what makes this worse and shows me the husband was more complicit than the LW wants to believe- the fact that he and Ma were exchanging dirty texts.

RedRoverRedRover May 12, , pm. Was he drunk the entire week she was sending him dirty texts? Which means he soberly received those messages and chose not to shut her down.

He knew she was being inappropriate and he went into her room late at night. He knew exactly what was going to happen.

He could have stopped it when he was sober. TheTruth May 12, , am. LW… screw all these other women telling you to leave him.

Your letter states you want to be with him… so do it. Men are idiots… we are… the fact that he slept with your mom is no different to him that if he slept with your sister, or a stranger.

Dirty secret… not so secret … your husband sleeping with someone else has no bearing on whether he loves you or not. From the sounds of it, he probably feels like a total turd and is racked with guilt.

TheTruth, this is so absolutely NOT the truth. Generalizations hurt men AND women alike. What MrMid and Kmen said. I thought so. But I do have a kind of serious question.

Was it eerily similar? As different or as similar as any two unrelated women would be? LW, ask your husband that, before you kick him out.

Gee I hope it was. There actually are men who believe this. Aubrey Ray May 12, , am. Just no. If anyone feels that being a male gives you the right to sleep with whomever, whenever, I fully and honestly support you.

TheTruth May 12, , pm. Cheating is wrong. I will not cheat in my relationship, but then again I am totally pussy whipped in love with the most awesome girl in the world.

It may mean he has poor morals. It may mean he had a moment of weakness. Skyblossom May 12, , pm. He might be able to cheat and still love his wife, that much is true.

It is also true that if he is cheating on a wife he loves he is more self-absorbed than empathetic. The empathetic person finds it impossible to cheat on their spouse because they feel the pain that they know their spouse and kids would feel and that stops them.

The person who cheats is willing to gamble the entire marriage for the pleasure of the moment. All in all, they are immature and not worth a marriage.

I agree with sky blossom. I think it is possible to cheat and still love a partner. I also think cheating can be indicative of someone who has a limited capacity for true intimacy and maybe even love.

If love is something you have, feel, and do for a life partner not just the chemical experience of a pussy whipping how severed can a connection be before one considers the disregard a dampening or even absence of love?

Drewser May 12, , am. The truth of the matter of is, some men cheat. Some men, especially ones with huge egos feel a sense of entitlement to cheat.

I bet not favorably. There are some women who can cheat and not feel any attachment. Sex can be intimate, passionate, or just another activity.

What is the point of this? Who cares why you think people cheat? It has nothing to do with this topic. People cheat because they want to and they can.

Those are excuses. None of us are children or animals. People make their own decisions. I also reject the idea that this situation came to be thoughtlessly.

Perhaps willfully ignorantly but hardly thoughtless unless of course this man and the mother are both severely mentally disabled.

I have known a great many men who are not so characterized or broken. It is sad that you apparently have known so many people with so little integrity.

Or any family in law. LW, obviously this person is not someone to listen to. LW, I think this marriage is broken beyond repair, for all the reasons others have mentioned.

And tried to make you feel like you were crazy for thinking that something was off? Good grief. Him and your mom deserve each other.

You deserve better. Stillrunning May 12, , pm. Dear Wendy May 12, , am. Splitting hairs, but just for clarification: the mom was sending the husband inappropriate texts for a week, not a month, before they had sex.

Instead, he went out and got belligerently drunk when he not only had a wife who could go into labor at any moment, but a live-in MIL who was putting the moves on him.

Or maybe she was working on some surprise for me and was texting Drew about the details while she was awake and thinking of them.

That the LW immediately jumped to suspicious thoughts suggests that either her husband or her mother or, likely, both had given her reason in the past to be suspicious of them.

There surely has to be more to this story. Crossing fingers that LW is reading this and provides an update or at least address some of our questions.

Cleopatra Jones May 12, , pm. Whatever the context, this is all kinds of crazy. I could understand not sharing the texts immediately… she was 9 months pregnant and it would be totally reasonable to wait till after the baby was born to bring this up, in my opinion.

If that had been all that had happened, plus he had told the MIL to stop it, I would be defending him right now.

He was only drunk for the actual sex, not the sexting. Things should have never gotten to this point. Whenever your husband started receiving inappropriate texts from your mom back in January, he should have put a stop to her behavior then by telling you and asking her to move out.

Obviously she texted him something and he deleted it, probably knowing what it said. Who knows what he sent back to her.

There are many points at which your husband could have ended things before it got to the point that he had sex with your mom.

I definitely agree that you should go to therapy. Individual therapy for yourself and couples therapy if you really think this is worth saving.

Is there a support group for children of selfish, horrible parents? If not there should be. Anon May 12, , am. It was better, which probably is why I have always enjoyed being with older women sexually.

Were you sexually active with your girlfriend the daughter too? Did you hook up with the mom more than once? How old was the mom at the time?

Tell us more…. Was sexually active with the daughter about two years later, she had been a virgin at that previous time and we had only dated a few months.

We saw each other again a couple years later at a party and hooked up throughout that weekend, that was the end of that. Yes more than once with the Mom, less than five times however.

She has since passed away from what I hear. She had 6 kids from 5 different people come to find out. Did I cure your curiosity?

You did. Many thanks! But one more question — did the daughter ever find out about you and her mom? If she did, it never came from me.

Sunshine Brite May 12, , am. I still feel like this is different though because of the teenageness, no kids, and no marriage in place.

Depends where he lives. Legal in Canada too, BTW, and a lot of other countries. Margo May 12, , pm. Anon May 13, , am.

FireStar May 12, , am. It really is the worst thing someone can do to you short of physically harming you — to betray you so thoroughly. And then to lie to you when you confronted them, both of them making you think the problem rested with you and your crazy paranoid pregnancy brain…all the while they KNEW you were right.

It must feel like a bomb went off in your life. You have to stop acting like your mother raped your husband though. Why else was he in tears after?

He was part of this — a willing part…even if a subsequently regretful part. And since he was a part in it — you have to accept the part your husband played in this — the active willing part he played — otherwise there is no moving on from this — with or without him.

A decent husband hell a mediocre husband would have told you the instant your mother made a pass at him…you would have known from that first text. What made your husband hide that from you?

And hide all subsequent text? The texts continued. He had sex with her. So see your husband for who he actually is. Not who you want him to be or who you thought he was.

That is the place to start. You need to work through what happened to you. It was traumatic…. If you move before you are well you will hurt yourself again.

You are just delaying the process of getting better by moving too fast with your husband. And your kids need you to be well — for their future as well as for yours.

I understand your husband is where you feel comfortable and safe. You have a new reality now and you have to adjust to that.

Marriages recover from some terrible things — and maybe yours can too. Book an appointment with a therapist now. I wish you the very best for you and your little ones.

Eljay May 12, , pm. Wow this is awful. I sympathize with the LW, living with a toddler and a newborn is tough and it could be scary considering doing it own your own — especially when you expected to have 2 other adults your mother and spouse to help out.

I say move out the traitors and move in a friend. Find a nanny, au pair, college student or someone to live with you and help you through this time.

I can see rationalizing staying with your husband because you need the extra hands, but please find the help somewhere else. Do you have another family member or close friend to move in?

Can you make the husband pay for the support? Can you quit your job and make your husband support the family while you get your life together?

Having a toddler and a new born my kids are 22 months apart and we have no family nearby was always going to be a hectic, sleepless, trying — and exciting!

Your mother sounds like a sociopath. You say you work with her. Of course you are finding moments of comfort from your agonizing heartbreak in the presence of the man you love.

He thought he had an STD for an entire month. He thought he had exposed both you and his own child. He did not have the sense of remorse to find the courage to tell you.

How to interpret this and what it means is going to take time. Sadly, there is no way around it. Not if you are looking for stability in life.

You sound far more functional than I think I would be. At times like these people learn things about themselves. I hope you will find solace in others, in therapy, in your babies.

I hope in time you will rebuild, though the vision of what is not yet in view. Best of luck. I can see why you are not placing enough blame on your husband, but you are being deluded.

If I were in this situation I would be far angrier at my mother, because of all people, your own parent should never do anything remotely like that with your spouse.

Also, when someone uses an excuse of being belligerently drunk for cheating, I suspect there are other issues there with alcohol.

Especially given that you were 9 months pregnant. Reading this made me physically sick. Your husband is a monster. It is totally understandable that you are reeling from this, but you have to let go of that denial and desperation and get both of these people out of your life permanently.

I am so, so sorry that this happened to you, that the two people who were supposed to love you the most betrayed you so completely, utterly, deeply, and irreparably.

I strongly, strongly suggest you initiate divorce proceedings and get into therapy asap. Laura Hope May 12, , am.

So you kind of knew. Not a great role model. I would like you to know that there is much more to the story and I am very well aware of the situation.

I have started therapy and will continue to see my therapist for a long while. My husband has not returned to our home as of yet, I will not allow it.

I have also requested that my husband see a therapist on his own if there ever is going to be a chance for reconciliation.

Within their first week of dating he asked her to have a threesome with me. Instead of being a mother and leaving him seeing that the man was interested in her daugther, she just ignored it and continued to see him.

He then went to my aunt and requested that she join them. She at 22 was in an sexually and physically abusive relationship and allowed that man to stay around.

My mother was also molested as a child by her father. I truly believe that my mother has under lying issues that has made her into the attention seeking person she is.

My mother has never been without a sexual partner to my knowledge, though none of this makes her any less responsible.

He has complied and answers each one of my questions, no matter how embarrassing the answer may be. We have not been intimate nor have I been sweet.

I have since realized that I can grieve, weep, and be angry without showing him an ounce of affection even if it means I have to do it alone.

I know I have to heal and come to terms with the situation on my own not by having him cloud my judgment. I very well have much self worth but unfortunately I love and love hard.

He and I have been through a lot and have carried each other through the toughest of times. I was desperate for results and the good health of my son.

The three of us Myself, my child, and my husband have been tested for Genital Herpes and the results came back negative. Since there was know physical sign or side affect to take samples of to test, our blood was tested for the disease.

We all are healthy and have no string of the disease in our bodies. As for the reason my Husband thought that he the STD, a few weeks after I confided in him about my mother carrying the disease, he saw 5 unrecognizable bumps and freaked out.

They were tested and his general physician has confirmed it was a yeast infection. Aside from all of the above, my main focus is myself and the boys.

You sound like you are doing everything right. Your boys are lucky to have you. Best of luck to you. You sound so strong. I hope you continue to go to therapy and work on your issues.

I also hope that some of the comments here will be taken to heart and help give you strength and clarity. Not for nothing, but gotta hand it to you LW, you do not seem naive , stupid or weak.

Matter of fact you come off as extremely strong to be honest. I still stand by my comments though. I know what it is to love hard, but personally, this could not be something a marriage could survive in my book.

I hope therapy does very well for both you and your husband ,and that you two can co-parent and get a long good, even maybe be good friends down the road.

Good luck. All the best. LW, thank you for the update and clarification. Again, I am so very sorry this has happened to you.

You are wise to have cut her from your life. How will you sleep next to him at night, knowing every time he gets up or every time his phone beeps it may very well be the next betrayal?

He is NOT a good man, as others have said I would be hesitant to leave him alone with your children, let alone into your home and your bed. Your therapist can most likely also point you to support groups for divorcing parents, that may be another place to get some of the emotional support you need.

Bittergaymark May 12, , am. Just yikes… Are — those of you in question — truly all this naive about sex in general?

No wonder nearly every other LW accidently gets knocked up. Go by a basic book on human sexuality or at least visit planned parenthood.

The lack of true knowledge displayed here while so many spout off pure b. Mark, I am fully aware that the husband, luckily, tested negating for herpes.

Luckily the LW does not have to worry about the virus on top of everything else. Then you all should have made an informed decision together about kicking her out of your dxmn house.

In my opinion, the most precious gift your partner can give you is to help foster a healthy relationship with your family; he did the absolute polar opposite.

Also, ew. And the LW is at least partially responsible for this fucking mess. Anna May 12, , pm. Usually I find your comments to be unapologetically hilarious.

But just for today, at least try for a bit of empathy and compassion in that small dark heart of yours.

This letter writer welcomed her mom into her home knowing that she would likely make inappropriate sexual advances on her husband. You protect them from people who behave like that around them.

I find that hard to believe. MOST daughters give their mother some benefit of the doubt, at most it makes her naive for not setting boundaries.

I also seriously doubt she thought her husband would screw her mother. Did the husband ever say the mother made him feel uncomfortable?

I mean, is that TOO much to ask for? She would only jump to that conclusion if she expected it.

It is a bad situation but her mom had routinely subjected people to inappropriate sexual advances. It is very much a part of who her mom is and she has known that about her mom for years.

She probably assumed that her husband would turn down the advances but she was still willing to subject him to them.

She very much knew what her mother was like. Stonegypsy May 12, , pm. Mar May 12, , am. Besides all the really obvious effed up things, I find it mind blowing she was willing to expose her daughter and grandchild to a disease!!!

I mean really the entire thing is mind blowing…. This mother is pure evil. I totally understand the LW being more pissed at her mom than the husband.

LadyinPurpleNotRed May 12, , pm. Except she knew that her mother was like that before she let her move in. And her husband did try to risk 3 family members lives.

By choosing to sleep with someone else, he risked getting and passing along diseases. Oh, LW. I can understand the situation you are in regarding wanting to forgive your husband and move on, because I dealt with something similar several years ago when my ex-boyfriend of 4 years assaulted me.

We had a life together and I did not want to break up. Show your sons how the washer and dryer work. My 9 year old can handle it, so unless you raised complete morons, they will be okay.

You said you support your family. Does that mean your husband doesn't work? If not tell him to get a job and make him contribute to either the bills or savings.

Its not a money issue here, its respect. Tell him he's got to quit treating you like shit or he can get the fuck out.

You already know you can make it without him. Why be with him when you think he hates you anyway? Ignore your step-mom. It sounds like you are still trying for approval from her and if in 23 years you haven't got it you never will.

It seems like you are trying to please everyone when really you need to tell them to fuck off and figure out what will make you happy.

Okay, here's what to do Walk up to your husband, kick him in the balls, and take your spine back. Walk up to your step-mother, tell her in an adult way that her attitude towards you sucks, and you don't really care to try anymore if she wont.

Walk up to her children, tell them you don't care what the little panty-wastes have to say about you. Reach your hand up your ass, feel around for your spine Good, you have one.

Now tell your own kids to do their own laundry. Go out, get a cup of coffee with a girl-friend. Go window shopping, do something for you, and forget what these other people want you to do.

Shanananaaa Bacon. Paragraphs are your friend. That hurt my eyes. The majority of people do not get along with their step-parents.

A lot of step-parents seem to want to compete with their sig-other's children for attention, which is lame, of course.

Just try to be sweet as pie to her no matter what she says or does. Killing people with kindness can really break them down. Brizzle Craziness.

Shamiaqua said:. Maybe she is just a very unhappy woman. I mean, she didn't beat you, molest you, or throw you in a dungeon. Ever read a child called it?

Yeah, it can be worse. Millions of children a year are severely abused and you are complaining because as a 39 year old, you can't take some normal grumpiness?

I mean, did she call you a skanky slutty cunt? Because then I can see being mad at her. But this specific incident is a stupid reason to get mad.

Maybe she doesn't hate you so much as not know how to talk to you. I"m a step mom, and step kids can be very mean and unaccepting.

DID you take the time to think that maybe she is just flat out scared of you and overreacting? And so what, who gives a fuck what your friends say?

Do they say mean shit to you? Otherwise you are just going of hearsay and rumor, and how old are you again?

Shit, my own sisters talk shit behind my back all the time, but you know what, they would be there to back me up in a heartbeat.

One thing I hate is women who bitch about the conditions of a marriage they are unwilling to leave. Both my exes stole from me for one habit or another, and I dropped them like a bad fucking habit.

I could give a fuck less about them or our marriage when they were married to their addictions. Take care of your children first, yourself, then your parents.

Everyone else can fuck off. My children are 12, 11, and they do their own fucking laundry or they go to school naked. It really is that simple.

Tell your sons to grow up. Stop doing their laundry for them. Next time they drop it off, give it back to them all nicely folded but still dirty.

One day you will be dead and then where will they be? Little birdies need to fly of the nest, not hang on to it with thier toenails.

If you don't want people walking on you, then don't let yourself be walked on. Why are you still being nice to her if it's been 23 years of this shit?

I mean, I can understand being a "good person" and all, and all that do unto others shit, but at this point, you're really just letting her walk all over you.

Now, I'm not saying go to her and revert back to being five years old by throwing a tantrum. Go and confront her. It sounds like both of you need to adjust the way you're handling things.

Wow I really didn't expect to get any feedback whatsoever to this post. You know sometimes you just feel unappreciated and need to vent.

Yes my husband made some mistakes. Yes he hurt me. Yes my kids sometimes take me for granted. I appreciate your candor, however, I do have a problem with you referring to "my age" on two separate occasions in your reply.

You are 29 years old and according to your reply have been married twice before this marriage. See I have a "problem" with women who stand in front of God and the world and swear to stand by their man for Better or Worse, Sickness and Health, Richer or Poorer and so on.

I promised to stand by him, addiction is a sickness, and thankfully he has pulled through it with my help and my love. People are not perfect.

Divorce is not an option for me. I take my vows seriously. If not why the hell have marriage. Too many people of your generation enter into the bonds of matrimony with the idea that if things don't go perfectly the way you expect them too, well hell I'll just get a divorce.

If you are inclined to this type of thinking, marriage is not for you, ever. There is no integrity in taking a vow you intend to break when things don't go your way.

This is how selfish people act. This is how my stepmother acts. It does not surprise me in the least that you are a stepmom. I feel for your stepchildren.

Children are children. They are not adults. You cannot expect them to think and act like you do or to understand why their Mommy and Daddy are no longer together.

My stepmother is a self righteous, stingy, cold hearted bitch who has no concern for anyone other than herself, her children and her grandchildren.

I however, am a kind person. I believe my actions speak much louder than any words. And hopefully in the end when it is all said and done, the Master above will see fit to bring me the peace I so desperately long for in my next life.

I believe being kind is not a bad thing. I will not stoop to her level. And please don't insult my intelligence. I have been a wife, mother and grandmother much longer than you and you still have many more years of wisdom to discover.

I was simply venting. Even though I could snap her neck like a twig. MaxPower Sweep the leg Staff. Okay Okay thank you all for correcting me about the paragraphs.

If at first you don't succeed read the fucking directions right? I will use proper English in all of my future posts. Thanks for all the great feedback.

If I may make a comment here. I think that's great. My concern would be that you aren't taking care of YOUR needs.

What makes you happy in all this? Does it make you happy to do the laundry for your kids? Are you doing it for your needs or theirs?

They should contribute their end of the deal. You are their mother and they need to appreciate you more than it sounds like they are.

Nothign wrong with getting some appreciation when it's due to you. You work hard to be a good mom, and they need to show they understand what you do for them.

You say your husband hates you. Is there something you both can do together to help mend that? Another honeymoon? Spicing life up with a marriage that has seemed to go south can really help things out.

Maybe he has some resentment, maybe he's just lost touch. Maybe you are just so worn out, you also have lost some of that spark.

Either way, the two of you should really try to get the marriage in a better light so some of the other problems in your life may not seem so bad.

As far as your step mother. I know talking doesn't do much since it appears you've been doing just that. Though maybe asking her why she has all this dislike for you may help you both gain some understanding about why the two of you don't get along.

If she has no response, or at least one you don't like, at least you can say you tried. It sounds like you've done a lot to please your father with this.

You need to gain some self-respect though. It's bad enough if she ignores you or is "polite" around you, but talking shit behind your back and letting her kids do that is just wrong and childish.

Tell her you can deal with her feeling about you, but you don't feel it's right to teach her kids to talk badly about someone like that to others.

You've never done anything to them. She may have seem you as a threat from the beginning. The "other" woman in her new husband's life, but her kids are the innocent bystanders here, and you feel they should really be left out of this situation.

You should also talk to your dad about how he needs to step up a bit. You'd have hoped your stepmother would have grown up by now, but now you need his help and standing up for you.

You are his daughter and you want nothing but happiness for him. It's time he look out for you too. It's time for you to take care of you!

You don't have to step all over people to do it. Just start demanding the respect by not putting up with the bull crap of others.

Carriebaby40 said:. Well did I strike a nerve with dustinzgirl or what? First of all my post was not nearly detailed enough for her to judge me about my marriage.

My husband does love me and we have been together for over 23 years. Not one time have I ever had to deal with infidelity or anything abusive other than his drug addiction.

I was simply feeling unappreciated at the time and needed to just put my feelings into words. She did not have to post a reply and judge me as she did.

She insulted my intelligence and said that I was stupid. Sorry that I used your forum to vent. I thought that was what WTF.

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